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New mommy. Southern. Conservative. Sorority woman. Army wife. Avid reader.

12 September 2010


Day Three: Something I need to forgive myself for
Well. How do I answer this one (and the next one) sufficiently without saying too much? I suppose they will both be pretty vague. Several years ago I did something fairly reckless and it could have hurt other people. As it turned out, I probably hurt myself more than anyone else. No one died. No laws were broken. It was just an epic lack of judgment on my part and it wasn't in line with my character. While the outcome was far less harmful than it had the potential to be, I find that I haven't really been able to forgive myself for it.

Day Four: Something I need to forgive someone else for
As much as I would love to blast this person and tell the world what he did, I have to protect the innocent; his victims. I know an individual who hurt people that I care about. He hurt them in ways that are pretty close to unforgivable. Well, I guess they are unforgivable to me at this point in my life, anyway. His actions were bad enough, but they caused such a domino effect that no one involved was left unscathed. He broke people. He broke families. He broke faith. I suppose the rest of us were collateral damage, but the damage has proved to be permanent. Maybe I would be able to forgive if he had paid some price. Maybe there are more people than just him that I am so uncontrollably angry with at times. It's a heavy, dark loathing that I carry for him and I know it's unhealthy. It has been a long time and maybe one day I will find a way to forgive. I know that I need to. His victims, direct and indirect, have paid heavily.  It is unjust. I need to figure out how to rid myself of the anger, the sorrow, the pain and the animosity. One day, maybe. One day.

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