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New mommy. Southern. Conservative. Sorority woman. Army wife. Avid reader.

05 June 2008

The frequently asked question..."Why are you single?"

So why are you still single?"

I'm often asked this question. I guess it is because most of the people in my age bracket are married now and having children. Why am I not in that lucky group of people? Did I want a career first? Is it because I've spent 88% of my adult life in some form of higher education? Do I not want a family?

My usual answers are, "Because I haven't met the right person, yet", "Because I don't want marry someone just for the sake of having a husband", "I haven't really found a good way to meet people", and my favorite "I don't know".

I was asked this question early last month by someone who seemed so surprised that I had not been "snatched up" yet. He thought surely by now "someone like me" would have met my Mr. Right and working on the happily ever after part. So I told him all my general reasons, all of which are true. He said he felt lucky to have met me while I was still single and proceeded to fill my head with fabulous compliments. Seriously now. In a month, he managed to say more nice and flattering things to me than Chris did in 4 years. Well, fast forward to today and said individual apparently just likes to use those lines. Nope, I wasn't anyone special and he didn't mean any of those breathtaking, sweet words. I fell for the lines and my player radar did not go off. Awesome. Back to square one, kiddos.

So in all honesty, THAT is why I am single. Men like that are why I have not met Mr. Right because all I seem to meet are Mr. Let-me-make-you-feel-so-good-about-yourself-that-you-think-I'm-charming-and-perfect-then-I'll-blow-you-off types of men. So if you are a man like that, don't ask a woman why she is single. It's because you make her that way. You don't really give her any other option.

*She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty and I think my head is caving in.
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
by a hand that's touched me
And I feel like something's gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry
She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to wanna shine
Cause I'm a little bit dirty
Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
Cause I've been cheated, I've been wronged
And you, you don't know me*


Anonymous said...

I don't mind the quiet guys that dole out compliments sparingly because at least I know that when one comes, it's sincere. It's the loud, gushing guys that should raise your red flag from go. From my experience too - they're usually full of shit. Sorry you had to learn the hard way, but don't rule a guy out just because he isn't so vocal about how he feels about you - it doesn't necessarily mean he's not feeling all those nice things inside. I learned that lesson the hard way.

Heather said...

I've never ruled a guy out because he was quiet and didn't dole out compliments. I almost married one. This particular guy I was posting about is the only person I've ever dated who was like that, so it's not that I learned the hard way - I already knew some guys were full of shit whether they shouted it from the rooftops or kept it all inside.